It's book review time: Joy Luck Club- Amy Tan

    Weaving narrative and plot, Amy Tan’s book The Joy Luck Club explores the relationship between mothers and daughters. Beginning with the experiences of the Chinese mothers, the reader is taken on a journey through these women’s lives, from their upbringing in China to the hardships they faced during their young adult lives and circumstances that ultimately led them America. Now living in San Francisco with grown children, the plot turns to the adult daughters who understand little of their mothers’ rich history.

    The daughters of these women are unable to perceive their Chinese heritage because they are “Americanized” culturally. However, their mothers’ still wrongly believe that their daughters intuitively understand them because of the “inner” Chinese thought process they were born with. It is only at the end of most of the mother’s lives that they realize the confusion their daughters have about the way that they live.  This disheartening thought encourages the mothers’ to start sharing their experiences more openly with their daughters. Amy Tan is especially good at pointing out that although these women were raised in very different settings, the daughters are ultimately living their lives in an echo of their mother’s struggles.

Chad's MASH

     Chad was a lucky young buck who was born into a family of poor unicorn hunters. His single roller skate allowed him to hunt a single horned creature. He visited his friend Courtney in Moore, OK to find out that the Eiffel Tower was a beautiful princess trapped in a metal tower. If he only collected enough unicorn horns, he could set her free. So he set out on his guest with a pet trible to aid him. He collected 21 horns and went to the back of a Parisian restaurant - putting the horns and himself into a trash compactor overlooking the tower. He said the magic works Courtney had told him - "none of that wooOOoooO stuff here - sexy mojo monkey brains- pow!" She was so beautiful, and naked, that they immediately consummate their love right then and there in the trash compactor.

The End.

M A S H

Wife                                                                              Location of Living                  
Lady Gaga                                                                    Titan
LSP                                                                               Sewer
Eiffel Tower                                                                  Moore, OK
Wonder Woman                                                            Behind Dumpster

Job                                                                                 Pet                                           
Engineer                                                                        trible
unicorn hunter                                                               headless doll
unemployed                                                                   parrot
gigolo                                                                             log


Vehicle                                                                           Kids                                         
enterprise                                                                       45
dumptruck                                                                      3 1/2
segway                                                                           0
single roller skate                                                           2


Unstoppable Addiction                                                 Honeymoon                                         
awesomeness                                                                 Alaska
porn                                                                                toxic waste

smelling other's feet                                                       trash compactor
speaking with Golum voice                                           Disney
   

Jeff's MASH

     I fell in love with Sarah Jessica Parker while I was washing dishes at a 5-star restaurant. She immediately bought me a hover car to woo me, but I was content with my pet stump. We moved to Scotland because Americans were scared that we had more than 2 kids - S.J.P. loves having babies (27! And still such a great body!)  SJP is such a horror movie junkie that we had a romantic horror-inspired wedding and honeymon at the local slaughterhouse to please her obsession. My stump was the only one in attendance.

M A S H

Wife                                                                              Location of Living                  
Courtney                                                                       Scotland
Sarah Palin                                                                   NYC
Sarah J. Parker                                                             Kate's Backyard in a tent
Hitler                                                                            dumpster

Job                                                                                  Pet                                          
Walt Disney                                                                   monkey butler
Dishwasher                                                                    giraffe
butler                                                                             beta fish
writer                                                                             stump


Vehicle                                                                           Kids                                         
hovercar                                                                         3
skateboard                                                                      27
grocery cart                                                                    0
none                                                                               1/2


Honeymoon 
Disney                                                                            

sewage plant                                                                    
slaughter house                                                                    

Soviet Russia                           

                                    

Courtney's MASH

     Courtney was a very sexually active young dame. Really, her habit was unstoppable. But she was very creative (in the bedroom) and turned her habit into a profession. She became a professional prostitute and soon caught the eye of world leader Hitler. He was visiting Moore, OK after taking over USA in 2005. They had a honeymoon before any wedding took place...if you catch my drift. They liked to dress up as Xmen adn "play" - she was always Mystiquw so that she could change outfits to suit his ever changing needs. She drove a Mustang to work- Hitler was generous - but she had to keep a sock puppet by her bedside to lull Hitler to sleep at night.

M A S H

Husband                                                                         Comic Con Costume             
Jeff                                                                                 awesome
Abe Lincoln                                                                   sheer/lacy
Jerry O'Connell                                                              none
Hitler                                                                             steampunk corset

Job                                                                                  Pet                                          
Film critic                                                                      cougar
makeup tester                                                                mustang
juggler                                                                           100 cats
prostitute                                                                       sock puppet


Vehicle                                                                           Kids                                         
mustang                                                                         2
dinosaur                                                                         7
delorian                                                                         3
bike                                                                               1/3


Honeymoon                                                                   Unstoppable Habit                    
Italy                                                                               popping knuckles
Moon                                                                             sex fiend
Atlantis                                                                          bitchy dominatrix
Moore, OK                                                                    gum chewer

Kate's MASH

     While we were bored at a conference, Cujo and I decided to play a game of MASH. A throwback to our middle school years together, perhaps, but still a fun game of future imaginings now that we are all "growed up." If you haven't heard of MASH before, it is a mix of cootie-catcher and mad libs with your life; there are different categories and each one gets 4 choices. Then the randomizer goes through and picks out what your life will look like. As we got more and more bored, the MASH futures got more and more interesting (mine was the first and therefore not very interesting.)

Interestingly enough, these games prompted quite excellent stories, so feel free to use this method as a way to concoct new stories.

M A S H

Husband                                                                         Comic Con Costume             
Channing Tatum                                                             Wonder Woman     
Matt                                                                                 Leia
Obama                                                                             Warrior Xena
Tim                                                                                  Nudist

Job                                                                                  Pet                                          
Ice Dancer                                                                      monkey
Goat Herd                                                                      dinosaur
Coal Shoveler                                                                skunk
Poop collector                                                                tomato


Car                                                                                 Kids                                         
smart                                                                              15
wagon                                                                             0
flying                                                                              1
rollerskating                                                                   3


Honeymoon 
Mars                                                                
Pasture                                                                
Cruise                                                                
Dumpster                                                                


     Once she met Channing Tatum, she moved into his mansion and gave up shoveling coal for a living. He bought her a smart car (because of all the guilt she had over shoveling coal for the last several years of her life.) They went on a cruise for their honeymoon, but no babies were made during that lovely time (thanks condoms!) Filled the lonliness left by not having kids by cloning a dinosaur from a DNA strand she found while shoveling coal. She and the dinosaur would roam around the town, she dressed up as Xena. They were a much loved installment in the local parade scene of the town.

A Tale of Two Kitties

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. (Oh, how life is depends on which cat you ask.)

For Nelly, life felt the fullest; it was the most human-loved experience of all her times. Cuddling up with a human inside a home was a new concept. Being protected from starvation and scavenging, a daily marvel. Sure, she missed the excitement and adrenaline rush that came from being outside, but stability and warmth was so much more important.

But for Crystal, having to share her home again for the first time in years was miserable. As soon as the little upstart got smuggled in from Houston, things went downhill at home. She looked at HER humans, sniffed HER food bowl, and even went potty in HER box. What was wrong with this world?!?!

Vampire Assasin, part 1

Back-story

            Being turned was slightly anticlimactic. I met her at a party, where I was drunk as a skunk. She had an easy time persuading me to leave my friends and find somewhere more private. We made out until I realized how sharp her teeth were- the inside of my mouth was bloody and raw. I pulled back in disgust, thinking it was my fault and she must be horrified, but then I saw her eyes. Black, instead of the light green they were only moments before. 

            An unintentional shudder ran through my body, but she only smiled and said, “Now where were we?” She looked into my eyes and I forgot to be scared as she lowered her mouth to my neck. The bite was like nothing I’d ever felt before, like white hot pain mixed with cotton candy; like when you eat curry that is so hot your eyes water and your tongue burns, but you keep eating because it tastes delicious. Embarrassingly, I think I might have moaned a bit near the end.

            I literally saw stars right before I passed out: Canis Major, Orion’s belt, and my favorite the Big Dipper. “Sweet dreams” were the last words I heard her say before I fell entirely into the night sky of unconsciousness.