Jeff's MASH

     I fell in love with Sarah Jessica Parker while I was washing dishes at a 5-star restaurant. She immediately bought me a hover car to woo me, but I was content with my pet stump. We moved to Scotland because Americans were scared that we had more than 2 kids - S.J.P. loves having babies (27! And still such a great body!)  SJP is such a horror movie junkie that we had a romantic horror-inspired wedding and honeymon at the local slaughterhouse to please her obsession. My stump was the only one in attendance.

M A S H

Wife                                                                              Location of Living                  
Courtney                                                                       Scotland
Sarah Palin                                                                   NYC
Sarah J. Parker                                                             Kate's Backyard in a tent
Hitler                                                                            dumpster

Job                                                                                  Pet                                          
Walt Disney                                                                   monkey butler
Dishwasher                                                                    giraffe
butler                                                                             beta fish
writer                                                                             stump


Vehicle                                                                           Kids                                         
hovercar                                                                         3
skateboard                                                                      27
grocery cart                                                                    0
none                                                                               1/2


Honeymoon 
Disney                                                                            

sewage plant                                                                    
slaughter house                                                                    

Soviet Russia