Silence

I choose silence as my companion.
More secure in that relationship,
to stillness- to solitude-
than any romance that's come before.
I can bask in this silence,
give myself up to it and just think:

I can think sweet thoughts - have innocence-
without feeling like I'm missing out.
Without feeling like I'm missing out on something,
some monumental part of my development-
my relationship to adult society.

I don't have to prove anything to silence,
don't have to say anything
just to make the time pass.
We are just content together,
silence and I.
No awkward pauses,
no interview style dates.
We've known each other far too long for that.

And it's a comfortable silence;
me content to be myself
instead of wondering
how I might appear to someone else,
breaking myself from relaxing into the moment
and just being alive.

Silence is inside my head,
a calming presence.
It doesn't break itself into my thoughts-
it already belongs there-
nestled in a spot I'm comfortable with,
not taking up too much room or attention.

Silence is inside my soul,
a contentedness.
There is no force, no anxiety.
I'm just whole and at peace
with the silence.

That soft stillness surrounding me.
Silence.

Instead of Some Boy

She cried when I told her, 

then lied straight to my voice,

Worried I was not being straight,

With her.

And I sat, crumpled into the smallest possible form,

My own hands hugging, holding

Because she wasn’t there to do it for me.

And she sobbed and asked me,

Was I sure?  How could I be sure?

What about that boy…the one I like before?

And I sobbed something back,

Taken aback by her shocked reaction.

But also in watery relief,

that she still loved me,

even though I loved her.

Loved a her,

instead of some boy,

the one I liked before.

A response to hearing Rigoberto Gonzales speak; dedicated to my mother and making peace with ourselves and others.

Untitled

You are both hard and soft, to me. 

You turn me on, you turn me off, 

you are both hard and soft, to me.

Your skin so warm next to mine, 

I marvel in it's silky feel, much

easier to feel than the sting of your words, 

like the rough barbs on a cat's tongue.

You are both hard and soft, to me.

I'm not ready to prove my worth

in case I let you down. 

I'm not ready to trust you either, 

in case you push me down. 

Then the shield of your soft arms, 

won't be enough to stop the hurt.

You are both hard and soft, to me. 

Do opposites attract? 

Or are we only trying to fool ourselves-

only out to get what we each need:

A snuggle on the couch, 

A quick kiss at the store, 

A giggle in the bed, 

And a moan the night before.

You are both hard and soft to me, 

both a pull and a push. 

My body wants to stay 

wrapped in yours all night,

while my mind tells me to run, 

before you turn out my light:

You are both hard and soft to me.