Retemomreht

Always remembered in the light,

You showed the coldness in the bowels of the earth,

Yet you were shoved into a corner

Of the bland earth, not looking after smooth preps.

Unheeded by bimbos,

Completely content

In your wealth of surroundings

And you stayed put

Wanting to go, but ungratefully, you were

Placed during the sunrise,

Staying put for an enemies enjoyment,

And for his enemies experiment.

From the bright day to the murkey depths

Into the foaming sand,

That mineral enriched mud,

With all the life forms teeming,

Better off than after,

When you bumped into the smooth

preps once again.

Never told to stay put, stroked feet

And lightly speckled, wide-open mouths.

When you kept the chill:

42°F,

unconsistent,

with Freddy dead, good company. 

Her stunted growth,

Smaller and smaller,

Because he starved her and ignored her.

Less peeping eyes and softly squeezing feet,

Ignored you too-

Uncaring if you would start to be

Unsure of yourself.

Thermometer

In a dark and forgotten place,

with no one to show the world’s warmth to.

Taken in by salty water

to tend spiny urchins in a tank.

Watched over by the few scientifically minded, but still

sort of lonely in sterile surroundings.

Unbidden, but gratefully, you traveled,

stolen during dusk, taken

from the murky closet to the brightly cluttered desk.

Into the still water,

The distilled water:

No life that you could sense, seemingly worse off.

Bumped by other needled creatures

often moved, by grabbing hands

with darkly rimmed, peeping eyes.

And still you kept the temperature: 24°C,

constant.

After it hatched, also alone.

Growing bigger and bigger every day

because she Fed him, Watched him, Obsessed over him.

More peering eyes and groping fingers

watched you too,

to see if you would continue to remain

Constant.

Silence

I choose silence as my companion.
More secure in that relationship,
to stillness- to solitude-
than any romance that's come before.
I can bask in this silence,
give myself up to it and just think:

I can think sweet thoughts - have innocence-
without feeling like I'm missing out.
Without feeling like I'm missing out on something,
some monumental part of my development-
my relationship to adult society.

I don't have to prove anything to silence,
don't have to say anything
just to make the time pass.
We are just content together,
silence and I.
No awkward pauses,
no interview style dates.
We've known each other far too long for that.

And it's a comfortable silence;
me content to be myself
instead of wondering
how I might appear to someone else,
breaking myself from relaxing into the moment
and just being alive.

Silence is inside my head,
a calming presence.
It doesn't break itself into my thoughts-
it already belongs there-
nestled in a spot I'm comfortable with,
not taking up too much room or attention.

Silence is inside my soul,
a contentedness.
There is no force, no anxiety.
I'm just whole and at peace
with the silence.

That soft stillness surrounding me.
Silence.

Instead of Some Boy

She cried when I told her, 

then lied straight to my voice,

Worried I was not being straight,

With her.

And I sat, crumpled into the smallest possible form,

My own hands hugging, holding

Because she wasn’t there to do it for me.

And she sobbed and asked me,

Was I sure?  How could I be sure?

What about that boy…the one I like before?

And I sobbed something back,

Taken aback by her shocked reaction.

But also in watery relief,

that she still loved me,

even though I loved her.

Loved a her,

instead of some boy,

the one I liked before.

A response to hearing Rigoberto Gonzales speak; dedicated to my mother and making peace with ourselves and others.

Untitled

You are both hard and soft, to me. 

You turn me on, you turn me off, 

you are both hard and soft, to me.

Your skin so warm next to mine, 

I marvel in it's silky feel, much

easier to feel than the sting of your words, 

like the rough barbs on a cat's tongue.

You are both hard and soft, to me.

I'm not ready to prove my worth

in case I let you down. 

I'm not ready to trust you either, 

in case you push me down. 

Then the shield of your soft arms, 

won't be enough to stop the hurt.

You are both hard and soft, to me. 

Do opposites attract? 

Or are we only trying to fool ourselves-

only out to get what we each need:

A snuggle on the couch, 

A quick kiss at the store, 

A giggle in the bed, 

And a moan the night before.

You are both hard and soft to me, 

both a pull and a push. 

My body wants to stay 

wrapped in yours all night,

while my mind tells me to run, 

before you turn out my light:

You are both hard and soft to me.

Kreuger, the Carnivorously Inclined Crustation

Oh Kreuger,

You are my little crazy crab,

Swimming all day back and forth,

And all around the little tank,

You go.

Girl or boy, we do not know, Hermaphrodite:

You are a gender ambiguous crab to me,

And may you stay,

For you have no playmates.

I took your tea bag away,

Your resting (spot) in the darkness,

Once I turned out the fluorescent lights,

You were left with only the bag. 

Until the thermometer came into your life.

And oh how you love it,

You caress that thermometer like your mom (eter)

And you wish to make sweet love to it,

And you wish to give your babies over to it.

Hopefully, you will not eat them, when they hatch,

Because I forgot to give sand to you,

And I am unregular in my feedings for you. 

Sorry little guy/girl,

I love you.

On birth control

I mark my time in pills,
little daily doses of reality
as time slips away.

These perfectly formed pills-
a stark contrast to my life-
stamped and placed efficiently
in their perfectly formed
blister packs,
ready to be swallowed.

sometimes a girl feels
as if she's drowning
in pills, being swallowed whole
as she lays there alone.

Encased by many blankets
as her feet try -thump- to escape,
in the throes of a bad dream
little nightly doses 
of terror made real 
as time slips away.